Very weird dream. I was watching a movie and also participating in it. There was a lot of killing and torture for some reason. Because I didn't want to kill an older man who came towards me, I pushed him back and he fell down some stairs and ultimately died. At the end of the movie, I run into the daughter of this man who asks how I could've done what I did. I replied saying I was either going to kill or be killed. Afterwards I walked around with a girl I ran into a few times in high school. She went to the other school. We walked and talked about the film for a little while. About the way it was grotesque but ultimately speaking against violence. But the violence itself was pretty extreme. Then we started talking about each other. It seemed like we were in LA. Felt the warmth of the sun whereas the surroundings were pretty sketchy. Dirty and people on drugs walking around. I asked her how long she had lived there and said 10-15 years. She represents a part of me. Maybe it's desire from the time I was 22 years old or something. I believe she asked whether I would visit her there and I said I would. Then we took each other's hands and kissed. It was like two pecks and in that moment I felt like I would disappoint her because I am married. I looked at her face and it seemed to have changed. She looked darker and older perhaps. And then I woke up.
Dreams such as yours, where you both observe and participate in events, can be complex, often holding deep emotions and subconscious feelings. Here's a detailed interpretation of your dream:
Movie Watching & Participation: Watching and participating in the movie suggests a conflict between observation and engagement in your waking life. Perhaps you are torn between being a passive observer and an active participant in a critical situation.
Violence and Choices: The theme of violence and the dichotomy of "kill or be killed" can be symbolic of an inner conflict or external situation where you feel pressured to make tough and morally challenging decisions.
Older Man and His Daughter: The older man may symbolize wisdom, authority, or guilt regarding a past decision. Pushing him symbolizes a regrettable action you've taken. His daughter's inquiry represents accountability and the emotional consequence of that action.
Girl from High School: Reconnecting with someone from your past may signify nostalgia or unresolved issues. Since she represents a part of you, it could reflect an old desire or a sense of longing for a different stage of life. The setting of LA, known for its warmth yet sketchy surroundings, signifies a mix of comfort and danger, aligning with your inner emotional state.
Changes in Her Appearance: Her change in appearance, feeling darker and older, may symbolize how your perception of your desires has evolved over time. This could also reflect your feelings of guilt or fear of consequences.
Discussion of Violence: Talking about the movie may represent introspection. Though you recognize the grotesqueness of violence, speaking against it points to a deeper understanding or aversion to conflict in real life.
Warmth vs. Sketchy Surroundings: The warmth symbolizes comfort and happiness, contrasting with the sketchiness, suggesting an underlying feeling of insecurity or fear in your environment or circumstances.
Feelings of Guilt and Infidelity: The interaction with the girl reflects possible conflicts between desire and commitment. Kissing her and feeling like you'll disappoint her highlights fears of betraying trust in your marriage or neglecting responsibilities.
Your dream appears to reflect an internal struggle between existing desires, obligations, and morality. The film and its themes could symbolize real-life challenges, where difficult decisions need resolution but are fraught with emotional consequences. The interaction with the girl suggests a longing for past desires and an exploration of current commitments. While the environment highlights contrasts between comfort and underlying tension in your life.
Embrace this dream as a way to explore personal boundaries, re-evaluate desires, and address any conflicts or decisions that may be weighing on your mind. It could be beneficial to reflect on where in your life you feel pressured or guilty and how you can reconcile these feelings with your current situation.